Social Influence and De-escalation: Liking

It's no surprise; people are more likely to cooperative with people they like, and who like them. People prefer to say yes to individuals they know and like.  Liking can create influence and when responding to an angry or agitated person you may emphasize certain factors and/or attributes to increase your overall attractiveness and subsequent effectiveness.

Several factors can be used:.

Physical attractiveness often may help to create some influence. Physical attractiveness seems to engender a "halo" effect that extends to favorable impressions of other traits such as talent, kindness, and intelligence. As a result, attractive people are more persuasive in terms of getting what they request and in changing others' attitudes.While physical characteristics are only marginally changeable, how one dresses and grooms is under one's control. Smiling enhances physical attractiveness.

Similarity influences both Liking and cooperation.  We like people who are like us and are more willing to say yes to their requests, often without much critical consideration.

Praise produces Liking. Insincere flattery, however, can backfire when it is crudely transparent.   Generally compliments most often enhance liking and can be used as a means to gain cooperation.

Familiarity through repeated contact with a person or thing is yet another factor that normally facilitates Liking. This holds true principally when that contact takes place under positive rather than negative circumstances. One positive circumstance that may works well is mutual and successful cooperation.

Association is a final factor linked to Liking. By associating with positive things or ideas those who seek influence frequently share in a halo effect by association. 

Applications/examples:

When approaching, smile, at least initially, and introduce self, ask the person his or her name if you don't know it. Use the person's name. These are all signs of friendliness.

Pay attention person's verbal patterns and match these. If the person is angry you don't want to match anger in the voice, but you do want to match the importance and urgency in the voice. Match the rate and rhythm of his of her speech. Match expressions. For example if he says he is "pissed off" use the term "pissed off"; if he uses the phrase "mad as a hornet", use the" phrase "mad as a hornet." Match verbal patterns evokes similarity, which enhances liking. Be cautious, however, that this matching is only used initially, as you want to eventually lead the angry person towards more a cooperative frame.

Express appreciation for any cooperation received.

All these applications are to engender the feeling that you like the person you are talking to. Unless you genuinely do like people, they will all seem fake and can escalation anger. The most important application, therefore, is to genuine like people.